Renaming The Stars
by seeyoustandingthere
Summary: "So you go ahead and choose him or neither of us or whatever it is your heart wants. But do not misunderstand me. I asked you to marry me because I love you, and because I want to spend the rest of my life with you and those girls." Rayna wades through the seven days after the two proposals, with two rings and a hundred different emotions to manage. Rated T for some later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **So I sat down to write a collection of one-shots, but this monster came out instead. It's been brewing for quite a few weeks, and meanwhile I've heard (despite my best efforts) some titbits of information about Season 3 that might make some parts of this seem like a) I've based the story on what I've heard or b) some of this is old news. Neither is intentional and I'm just owned by these two at the moment so had to finish this. Many chapters to come - all written already...;)

This is my take on how it might go down in the early episodes of Season Three. Chapter Three might be a little wishful thinking on my part, but it was fun to write so I left it in.

**Renaming The Stars. **

**Chapter One.**

The morning came quickly, so much so that Rayna felt as though she hadn't slept at all. When she had it had been fitful, dreams interweaving with the real events of the last day and a half disorientating her every time she opened her eyes to look at the clock.

She lay amongst the layers of covers on her big bed for a while, too tired to move yet but too wired to attempt to go back to sleep. She knew that as soon as she got up she would have to face the day, and that meant facing what had happened last night. She re-read the last text she'd had from Luke which had vibrated through her phone about thirty seconds after the door had banged shut behind Deacon, making her jump guiltily. _The kids and I are having a drink in your honour. Hope that rock isn't weighing you down too much. _The kids. His kids. She was supposed to meet his daughter today, and make nice with his son who she knew wasn't her biggest fan.

At six she swung her legs out of the bed and came face to face with Deacon's ring on her dresser. It had been like another person in the room since he had left her holding it. Which he had done in true Deacon style: it was very him to sweep in, deliver a beautiful monologue that stretched straight from his heart to hers, and leave. All without wasting a word. She was kind of terrified of him at times. He wasn't afraid of the truth, no matter how messy. He could get right to the heart of the matter in seconds, for better or worse. He could read her like he could music. He just got it. He had called her out on her cowardice before, being ready to end his relationship with Stacy at the drop of a hat if she wanted him to. Doing it anyway even when she denied her own feelings. She had pretended, and he had seen through her, and he had been right on the money. That thought unnerved her deeply.

As did this ring. It was as familiar to her as the man himself. She had kept it for so long the last time he had given it to her - longer than her actual wedding ring- that it felt like hers already. Then she had kept it treasured away, although she had looked at it more often than she cared to admit, worn it even occasionally, on very bad and private days when she had pined for him and her marriage to Teddy had seemed like a noose around her neck and she had hated herself for thinking that but had been unable to escape from how much she missed him. She would drive out to the river wearing that ring, sit in the car for an hour listening to their songs, and then slink home when she had come out of the fog. She had cherished the thought that if she had an accident she would be found wearing it and that would be kind of karmically appropriate. She had it bad back then.

She placed it next to Luke's ring on the dresser and wondered what was wrong with her that she didn't prefer the huge bespoke Tiffany cut diamond. Which was beautiful. It was also ostentatious. Worn to be looked at. The other was humble, symbolic, unapologetic. _That_ ring spoke to her. It had come back from the dead, kind of, and she felt exposed by it's being there. She was surprised it hadn't found it's way on to her finger while she slept. She left the room, slamming the door on the pair of them. Maybe they would duke it out without her.

Her coffee tasted especially good after so little rest. She stood on the back patio, taking in the crisp clean air of the morning while it was quiet and she could think. Or try to. Her mind raced. She needed to restore some semblance of emotional order before midday. Before Luke's car arrived to collect her. Before she had to decide whether to tell him about Deacon's visit to her house last night.

This time of day was usually so peaceful. It felt like someone had pressed a pause button, and that somehow anything was possible as the day unfolded around her. She hoped that was true. Although she really had no idea what she was rooting for. Could she throw it all up in the air and let the pieces fall where they may? She wasn't sure her long time, full throttle relationship with Deacon would stand for that. It had a habit of making it's own history, regardless of her best laid plans.

She wondered if perhaps she hadn't made herself clear when she had thanked God for "that wonderful man". She had meant Luke, of course. Hadn't she? She knew Luke was all that and more, a great partner, father, lover, friend. She knew that marrying him would make her family safe and her happy. But she had been shocked when he had proposed. It had not felt the way she thought it was supposed to. Although, she reminded herself, her frame of reference was skewed. Teddy's proposal had been more of a conversation, no dramatic presentation of a ring but a quiet admission that he loved her and wanted to look after her. So really she could only compare it to that long ago night in the cabin that she wanted to forget (and he had for a while), and last night.

Last night. That had been a hell of a moment, Deacon blasting his way back into her carefully controlled world, threatening to unbalance everything. _That's the way it's supposed to be. You know that. _He had pinned her to the wall with the force of his emotions. And, he'd kissed her. It was frustrating how easily he could physically manipulate her. As he'd moved in closer to her she was thinking _stop_ but as his hands rested lightly on her waist she started to crumble, and when he actually kissed her she did a pretty poor job of deflecting it. In hindsight, she tried to give herself a break. She hadn't seen it coming. He was determined to say his piece, and she had tried to stop it. But in her heart she knew she hadn't done very well. She had not played that scene like someone who was another man's fiancé. The whole thing had left her shaky and emotional.

Luke's proposal had not felt like that. It had been a very cute moment, though. He had looked up at her with those gorgeous eyes and she'd wished they were somewhere else so she could concentrate on what he was actually saying. She'd caught him saying he loved her, and then something about a trick knee. The public nature of it had also felt a bit like a competition, and that disappointed her mildly. He knew Deacon was watching. Teddy, too. Worse, the girls were, and they were as startled as she was. She had seen Maddie's face, and that hadn't been too much of a surprise. But Daphne. She'd thought her youngest daughter adored Luke. She knew now that however much she did like him it wasn't a deep comfort, not enough to see them as a family. That was something that could easily change, she knew, but right now it felt like a mountain to climb.

That wasn't all that was eating at her though. If she was honest it still smarted a bit that Luke had questioned her motives at Fort Campbell. Yes, she could do business with the best of them when she had to, but he knew she didn't lead with that. She was a heart on legs unless she had to put her game face on, and he should have known better. She had forgiven it, understood it even, but it stuck in her mind. And he was awful to Juliette. He did make that ground back, and some, and she had been surprised at the effort he'd gone to, knowing that their duet would do wonders for Juliette's image. But still. She'd thought him more of a gentleman than that. She'd get over it but she wished that wasn't so fresh in her mind when this ring was so fresh on her finger. And. The big but. _He hadn't let her talk to the girls first. _That snagged most of all.

But none of the details of the way he'd asked the question should be a deal-breaker over the answer, she knew. He loved her, she loved him, and yes, it was sudden, but logically she saw no good reason why they shouldn't get married. So why couldn't she shake this sinking feeling?

She stood under the shower for a long time, feeling better afterwards. Forcing herself to eat a piece of toast, she called Teddy to make sure the girls were okay. They were staying with him this week because she was here there and everywhere promoting the album. He told her they were fine, if a little quiet, which is what he himself was on the other end of the line.

"Great show last night," he said, borderline sarcastic.

"Thank you."

" I particularly liked the final number."

She sighed. Said nothing.

"Congratulations Rayna. I hope you'll be happy." He didn't sound like he meant it much, but he'd said it, and he didn't have much of a corner to fight from these days.

"Thank you," she said, quietly.

"I wish the girls had known before the entire stadium, but what's done is done."

"I would have liked that too. But I guess there wasn't time. You know that concert was pretty last minute."

"Yeah." His tone left her cold, and angry.

"You know what Teddy, you got remarried about ten seconds after we got divorced, and the girls found out _that_ news from their grandmother's ring around Peggy's neck. So unclench."

"Fine. Do what you have to do." Rayna rolled her eyes, hoping he could hear her.

"I'll pick the girls up at four. I want to see them for an hour. I need to know how they feel about all this."

"Better late than never."

She resisted the urge to throw the phone onto the counter.

She took twice as long as usual to get ready. Discarding outfit after outfit as inappropriate for the occasion. The occasion being meeting Luke's children, she continually reminded herself, not deflecting her brand new fiancé from the fact that her head was all over the place since she had been thoroughly kissed by another man. She'd been engaged roughly twelve hours and already it was in turmoil. That must be some sort of record.

One hour forty minutes to go. How was she supposed to resolve this before then? She sat down again, took a long breath in the silence, and forced herself to imagine the possible outcomes here. She went to lunch and told Luke what had happened and threw Deacon under the bus. She went and told Luke it was over. She went to lunch via Deacon's and told _him _it was over. She spent the rest of her life trying to ensure the two of them never crossed paths. She held her head as it throbbed a little. _That would never work._ Other possibilities. Telling them both no. Becoming a nun. Her heart ached. She let out a long breath. This wasn't getting her anywhere. She turned off the lights in the bedroom and made her way to the kitchen. There she poured herself another cup of coffee, leaned against the counter, and made a decision.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Luke was in full swagger when she walked in to the hotel lobby, laughing and joking with a couple of fans. He excused himself and stopped what he was doing when he saw her, coming over to take her in his arms and kiss her right there in the middle of everything. Rayna enjoyed it, momentarily, until she realised a young girl who must be his daughter, who she had not officially met, was watching.

"Hey," she said, putting her hands on his chest to defuse the public display of affection without offence. "We have an audience."

"I think that horse has already bolted, sugar," he said, kissing her again. She supposed he was right, remembering with a jolt the sea of faces all around them as he got down on one knee the night before. "And besides, we're completely legit now. I can kiss the future Mrs Wheeler any time any place I like." She smiled and gave into his advances for a second longer before pulling back again.

"Yeah, about that..." She took a deep breath.

"What?"

"I think I'm going to keep my name." 

The lunch went better than she expected. Sage, his daughter, was actually very sweet and much easier to connect with than Rayna had feared. Even Coult, slightly sheepish after the video debacle, was polite, albeit in a distinctly teenage fashion. They both asked after Rayna's girls, and they made loose plans to all get together before too long. _Before the wedding_was the subtext, but Rayna tried to ignore that.

Around his second glass of wine Luke became a bit of a dog with a bone trying to get her to set a date. She tried to shake it off with a kiss and a promise that they would talk about it soon, but he was insistent.

"Doesn't matter if it's months or years from now, I just think it would be better to decide so we can get planning. There's a lot to do."

"I know. I just need to talk to the girls first. I haven't seen them since the show."

"What, you don't think they're happy about it?"

"Uh, no I wouldn't say that, I just need to know where they're at. They're bound to have a lot of questions about it."

"Like what?" Rayna squirmed a little. She didn't want to talk about this in front of the kids. But his expression, and his hand on her arm, made it clear he wasn't dropping it. She gave in.

"Like, I don't know, where are we going to live? What are they going to call you? How often will all of us be together? Where will they go on Christmas, that sort of thing."

"I get it, it'll take some getting used to. But change doesn't have to be a bad thing, baby. Maybe they'd like living on the ranch."

"The ranch?"

"Well I don't think I can fit the horses in to your yard." She crossed her arms.

"You're suggesting we move in with you?"

"I'm suggesting you think about it."

"I don't think so, babe. It's too far from school and their dad, and -"

"I just said think about it. Ask the girls. If they're not down with that we can find a new place."

"Or you could move into my place and keep the horses somewhere else," Rayna said, sweet as she could manage. Sage piped up at that.

"I don't want you to move dad. I love the ranch."

"I know kitten. But marriage is about compromise, we're trying to fit two families together here, it ain't just going to happen on it's own."

"We already have two families," Coult said, flat as a pancake. I'm sick of travelling."

"Okay look," Luke said, hands spread, trying to rescue them all, " Rayna and I will talk more about this another time. Today is about nothing more than _lunch_. Let's get dessert, coffee, weird little espresso things you guys like, whatever. We are celebrating." He squeezed Rayna's hand reassuringly.

Coult took out his phone and slumped down in his chair. Sage leaned over to Rayna.

"Can I see your ring?"

"Sure," Rayna said, relieved of the subject change. She held out her hand and Sage touched it in awe.

"It's beautiful," she gushed, eyes alight. Rayna liked her a lot.

"Thank you."

"I guess your last album did pretty well then Dad, judging by the size of that thing." Coult spoke without looking up. "Better than you told Mom, anyway."

_Marriage is about compromise._That was true, and Rayna's rational mind knew that Luke was trying to do the right thing here. But her romantic side - the side she had thought was driving this relationship - couldn't help but think how _unsexy _that sounded.

An hour later, they were alone. Rayna's stomach flipped a little as he approached her. Had it really been hours since Deacon had taken hold of her waist and said all those things? It felt like mere minutes. She felt like Luke might know just by looking at her, such was the mark it had left.

"C'mere," he purred, pulling her in for a kiss. She kissed him gently, still wary of his cuts and bruises, and then pulled back.

_"_Babe, I really wish you'd let me talk to my daughters before you did that last night. I mean, I'm assuming you didn't?" Her tone was soft but firm and his eyebrows shot up.

"I'm sorry, are you _upset_that a _marriage proposal_came as a surprise?" His shock was genuine. "Cos, you do know that's how they're supposed to be, right?" Oh, she knew. A shot through the heart when you weren't looking was more like it.

"No, Luke, of course I'm not. It was romantic. It was great. And if you'd done that in my dressing room, I'd have been delighted. But when you do it in front of the entire world... How do you think my kids feel? How do your kids feel? Did you get chance to tell them before they saw it on the internet?" He folded his arms, eyed her carefully.

"So you weren't delighted." She sighed.

"That's not what I meant."

"So your kids aren't delighted."

"Okay I feel like you're wilfully misunderstanding me here. I'm saying this is going to take some time to digest." He nodded.

"For them, or for you?" She sighed and faced him. She knew that his combative approach was a defence mechanism but it was difficult to massage him out of it nonetheless.

"For all of us." She took a step towards him and put her arms around him.

"But that doesn't have to be a bad thing. Let's just take it slow, okay? We have no reason to rush."

He calmed slightly at her touch. She fought back the nagging suspicion that he had a bit of a temper, and kissed him lightly.

"Let me talk to the girls. Then we'll talk about dates, and everything else. Okay?" He let her talk him into her arms and onto the couch where they spent a couple of hours watching television, hands loosely joined. Rayna tried hard to concentrate on what was on, telling herself repeatedly that her unease was due only to the fact that she hadn't been totally honest with him. It would go away. This feeling would go away.

Maddie was unusually quiet when Rayna collected the girls from school later that afternoon. She said little on the way, and Daphne filled energetically, avoiding the topic at hand. As they pulled up at Teddy's house, Rayna slid the car into park and pulled her sunglasses off in one motion, signalling that they weren't going anywhere yet.

"Okay y'all. Let's hear it."

"Hear what?"

"Y'all are gonna have some feelings about what happened last night and I want to know what they are."

"I don't have any feelings," Maddie announced.

"Maddie.."

"I think it was kind of lame, but if you liked it, then great."

"You were very large on that screen, mom," Daphne added.

"Yes, I was." Rayna waited for more, but nothing came.

"I'm sorry you didn't know about it first. That's how I would have wanted it." They didn't respond. In the rear view mirror Rayna saw them looking at each other. She waited.

"We like Luke mom," Maddie said, "but he's not either of our dads."

"I know," Rayna started, but was interrupted.

"We like things the way they are. If you can't be married to our dad, or to my dad, then why can't you just not be married?"

She couldn't really explain it, and in place of her usual mom logic, she had nothing. A big empty head with no wise ways to explain this situation to anyone, let alone her two favourite people in the world. So she didn't. She took them inside, ate dinner with them, avoided conversation with Teddy and spent another hour feeling like the bottom was falling out of her world.

Maddie came after her as she was leaving, catching her in the hallway.

"Mom? Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," Rayna answered, smoothing her jacket down after she had buttoned it.

"Why didn't you and Deacon ever get married?" And that hung there for a moment, while Rayna wondered how she had gotten so far from the lightness she had felt as she walked out on stage last night with the crowd chanting her name. At that moment everything had seemed right where it ought to be. And now they were here.

"I asked him, but he burned the lasagne," Maddie continued.

"The lasagne?" Rayna knew what Tandy would say if she'd heard that. Deacon _cooks_now?

"He didn't answer," Maddie clarified.

"Well," Rayna began, taking a deep breath. "It's complicated."

"Did he ever ask you?" Rayna tensed, and then tried to relax. She could do this.

"Yes, he did," she exhaled. Rather more recently than she cared to admit.

"Did you say no?" Maddie asked, eyes wide. Reluctantly, Rayna shook her head.

"No, I didn't."

"So how come you didn't get married? Because of his drinking?" Rayna never knew how much Deacon told Maddie. Although it was pretty much all out there if you knew how to use Google anyway.

"Something like that."

"So, if it hadn't been for that, you would have been married to Deacon when I was born."

"This is all kind of irrelevant babe. The past is there to be learned from, not lived by."

"I know. I'm just curious."

"Well, if you extend this level of curiosity to that science homework I saw in your planner tonight then I will be one happy momma." Maddie smiled, letting her mom pull her into a hug. Against Rayna's shoulder she spoke, quietly but clearly.

"Mom... Please don't marry Luke."

Rayna made it to the car before she let the tears fall. Great. Just, great.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Juliette opened the door after the third knock, as surprised to see Rayna there as Rayna was to be there. They were cool with each other these days, but seeing her boss/friend/former nemesis on her doorstep clutching a good bottle of red wasn't yet the norm for Juliette. Rayna held up the wine.

"I need to get kinda drunk. Figured you were my best bet." Juliette shrugged, opened the door wide.

"Well at least I'm top of your list for _something_."

Rayna pursed her lips, nodded, looked around her sheepishly, not wanting to say it now she was here.

"What's going on?"

"Um, let's just say, I got me some guy trouble."

"You? Guy trouble? Didn't you just get engaged to the King of Country Music? Aren't y'all going to build yourselves a big mansion shaped like a Stetson and live happily ever after?"

Rayna turned away, sliding her jacket off her shoulders. She fought to stop the hot tears she could feel forming again. This was neither the time nor the place.

"No? What did I miss?"

Rayna turned around, holding up Deacon's ring. Juliette stared blankly, then wrinkled her nose in confusion.

"What's that?"

"An engagement ring." Juliette folded her arms.

"Not the rock that Luke gave you last night."

"No... this one is..."

"This one is...?." Juliette tried to finish the sentence for her "...oh, this one is...from someone_ else_?". Rayna nodded slowly. Juliette's mouth fell open and her hands found her hips as it dawned on her.

"Oh my God. _Deacon_?" Rayna nodded again. There was a stunned silence as Juliette picked her jaw up off the floor. She eventually pulled herself together.

"Well, damn, lady, this just isn't going to cut it," she said, taking the bottle of wine out of Rayna's other hand. "I think I've got what you need right here." She opened the fridge to reveal several bottles of very expensive champagne, chilled to perfection.

"Yes," Rayna said, sinking on to the couch with her hands over her eyes. "That is exactly what I need."

Two hours and one and a half bottles of excellent champagne later they lay on opposite couches in Juliette's plush recording studio. They each held a wireless mic - having thundered their way through several hit songs- theirs and others' - without much of a care for the right words. Rayna took particular joy in singing back up for Juliette's version of _Black Velvet, _and even, at her host's insistence, took a pass at _Used_, Juliette's own kickass heartbreak anthem.

"Is this what do you when you're home alone pining for Avery?" Rayna had asked, as the opening bars rang out from Juliette's impressive sound system. She had earned herself a withering look.

"I do not _pine _for anyone," she had said, handing Rayna a mic. And she had looked on defiantly as Rayna belted out the song which, she had to admit, was immensely therapeutic. They had finished with their own recent duet, _He Ain't Gonna Change_, sung from opposite couches where they had sat, cross legged, before flopping into their current positions as the last notes faded out.

Now they were out of breath, and the reality of her situation began to return to Rayna's mind as she lay there. She had banked on a few glasses of something grape allowing her to block it out, for tonight at least, but it was not, so far, working.

"Come on, seriously. This is such a first world problem," Juliette drawled, crossing her outstretched legs at the ankle.

"Really." Rayna was far from convinced.

"Oh, gawd y'all," Juliette drawled," two men want to marry me. They're both handsome and talented and look great in jeans and checked shirts."

"You been checking out my fiance's ass?"

"I don't know, Rayna. Which one is that again?"

"Luke. _Luke _is my fiancé." Rayna held up her hand, Luke's ring sparkling away on her finger.

Juliette lifted her mic to her mouth and spoke through it in a deep voice that might've been a Star Wars impression.

"Luke. I. Am. Your fiancé."

"Okay, you are officially no help at all!" Rayna squealed, swinging her legs sideways and sitting up.

"What do you want from me? They're both awesome. But clearly Deacon has thrown you for a loop or you wouldn't be here. And you guys have this... I don't know... Thing." She poured herself another glass of champagne and used it to gesticulate wildly.

"Very insightful. Thanks."

"You know what I mean. Y'all are bound together or something. I used to be sceptical of your whole star crossed soul mate routine, but I think I'm beginning to get it now. I've glimpsed it, and you two have got twenty odd years more history on me and my...situation. I can't imagine how it felt to hear him say that. Rayna, the only question is which one of them you're in love with."

Rayna shook her head.

"I wish that were the only question."

"So you're worried that Deacon is a risk, and Luke seems like a safe pair of hands. Fair assessment." Rayna sighed. That was it in black and white.

"But I don't hear you telling me you don't have feelings for anyone but Luke. Look, you want my take on it, here it is. What Deacon did? That's pretty brave. That's making yourself completely vulnerable, damning the consequences type stuff. Hot. But Luke had an insurance policy. _Very_ smart. He knew you wouldn't humiliate him in front of all those people. And he knew that once the world knew you were engaged it would be hard to go back on." Rayna put her hands over her face, gritting her teeth. It got worse the more she thought about it.

"It would be very hard to go back on. I don't even think I want to."

Juliette picked up her mic again, put on her gruff cowboy voice.

"Rayna, sweetheart, will you do me the great honour of becomin mah ball n chain." Rayna swivelled her eyes sideways to deliver her death look. Juliette was enjoying this much too much.

"Stop it. It was sweet."

"And yet you're carrying around Deacon's ring with you." Juliette took a decent mouthful of champagne, eyeing Rayna pointedly as she said this.

"A week ago you told me Luke was a great guy and I should hold onto him!"

"He is a great guy! Compared to a significant portion of the male population. But what you have with Deacon isn't something you can judge by normal standards. I didn't know anything was going on between you two these days anyway."

"It isn't. Wasn't. Isn't."

"So what are you doing here then?"

She thought about that. Was it? Had there been a moment the other night when she'd collected Maddie's guitar? Or was she just so trained to be on her guard with him that she would read too much into anything? She shook her head.

"Maybe I just needed to think it over before I could close that door once and for all."

"Yeah, you close that door." Juliette said, nodding, pouting. She put down her glass, folded her arms behind her head.

"Cos clearly it did the trick the last time you married someone who was a safer bet than Deacon."

Juliette Barnes: singer, songwriter, feisty little madam and queen of hitting the truth out of the park.

At the very least, she slept. Falling into bed later than planned, equally full of expensive champagne and convoluted thoughts, Rayna had gone out like a light. She awoke grateful for the temporary oblivion, not something she would advocate as a way of dealing with one's problems but, she had to admit, fairly effective in blocking them out.

As she rolled over in bed the memory of her conversation with Maddie hit her. And suddenly it all started to make a sort of sense.

He was clearly surprised to see her on his doorstep at nine in the morning. He was up, though, and she could smell coffee and his aftershave. She felt a brief pang of longing for a quiet morning with him making music, the way they used to, the way she felt every time she set foot in this house. But this wasn't the time. She didn't wait to be invited in.

"You know what bothers me about this?" He closed the door behind her.

"What?" She did not consider it necessary to qualify "this" at all. He knew.

"I don't think this is really about you and me. I mean, didn't that ship sail?" _Didn't it sink?_ She thought. "It feels like a knee jerk reaction to someone else getting in there first. I think you're scared of not being close to Maddie. And I get that. You know she's not thrilled and you want to make that better for her. But she adores you, and you don't need to marry me to have a relationship with her."

He took that in steadily, his eyes trained on her as she spoke. He didn't ask her what in hell she was doing marching in unannounced. Rather he just answered her, like they were continuing a pre-existing conversation.

"No, I don't. But consider that statement in reverse. I _do _need to have a solid relationship with Maddie in order to ever be with you again." She couldn't argue with that.

"And yes, I did react to him proposing to you. Of course I did, Rayna. It was quite literally in my face, all around me on those giant screens just in case I didn't have a good enough view from the _front row_. And maybe I wanted to say those things to you all along, but you know, I couldn't while Maddie and I were getting reacquainted. Because she had to be okay with it."

"How do you know she's okay with it?" She was suspicious.

"Call it intuition."

"So she didn't put you up to this." She was unconvinced at best.

"No she did not. What do you take me for?" Rayna supposed it did sound a bit far fetched. But she knew the lure of wanting to make your children happy. It was powerful stuff.

"It's been on my mind for a while."

"But you were _with _someone. I thought you were happy!"

"Are you happy with someone?"

"Stop."

"You see the pattern here? Every time one of us takes up with someone the other one does the same thing. Self preservation. Because it's too hard, isn't it, to just both be single and wonder why we're not together. Because there's no good reason I know of. Not anymore."

"I can think of one, Deacon." She cried, holding up her ring finger. "Why are you doing this to me_ now_?"

"When would be better, huh? On your wedding day? Yes my timing sucks and I'm sorry for that, but I thought I had time. I thought we had time. Hell I didn't know he was going to get down on one knee when y'all have been together five minutes!"

"Six months."

"Whatever."

She threw her hands up in the air in exasperation. She had nothing.

"Look I know what you're afraid of, and I get it," he went on. "And I don't have a crystal ball, so I can't futureproof what I'm saying to you," he said. "All I can do is promise you. You are safe with me. All I can do is tell you. All I've got, all I am, is yours, and our family matters more to me than anything in this world." He paused, passed a hand over his face and hair, looked down briefly before continuing.

"So you go ahead and choose him or neither of us or whatever it is your heart wants. But do not misunderstand me. I asked you to marry me because I _love_ you, because I want to spend the rest of my life with you and those girls." He ended with his hands on his hips, flushed from the effort of making his point.

She was all but crying now. God damn him being so precise with his emotional arrows. Loving the girls and her as a unit, so unaware of the weight of the distinction between "I want to marry you" and "I want to marry all of you". It was her kryptonite; a man who put them first and understood her need to protect them however, whenever and from whatever she saw fit. And as if Deacon himself were not already kryptonite enough.

He sank down on the sofa, putting some distance between them. Rayna, overcome, turned to go.

"You got this all wrong, Rayna," he called after her. She turned.

"We're not the ship. We're the ocean."

She held her breath until she was in the car, head on her hands as they rested on the steering wheel. And the hits just kept on coming.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Chicago was cold. Rayna walked from her car to her suite wrapped in a cashmere sweater she hadn't been able to wear yet this year in Nashville. Bucky left her at the door, promising to come by later to go over the schedule for the following day. She was grateful for his constant presence, his intervention in her solitude. Usually content to be alone, this week she was nervous of her own company. She missed the girls. She wanted to be at home. Although she wasn't entirely sorry for the delay in her having to face either Luke or Deacon.

She hadn't spoken to Deacon since she had left his house. She had kept her conversations with Luke light and short, which was becoming more and more difficult to sustain. He wanted to talk about the future, he wanted to know what the girls had said about it all, and Rayna didn't want to talk about either. She knew she was closing him down, but it was all too quick. She wished they could just rewind, back to the moment before he had said it, when everything had seemed so right. He was her charming boyfriend, things were going well, serious but still relatively early days, and Deacon was still viewed through the frame of the past.

Rayna had found it easier to parent with him than she'd imagined, and had, if she was honest, come to like the security of knowing it would never be too long until she saw him, even if just for a moment, even if just for Maddie. She could draw comparisons with the way they had interacted during her marriage to Teddy - all about the music, all the time, using that as a way of keeping each other at arm's length, for safety's sake. It was a more imperfect science in the latter format, the paternal connection being every bit as emotional as the music they made and often conducted in private to boot, but they had been getting along just fine. Or so she had thought.

Her head hurt so bad. Her heart, too. She knew that if she turned Deacon down now that would be it once and for all. And that was a terrifying thought, one she'd never had to face before. But she didn't know how she felt about him, and now that she was asking herself that question every second of every god damn day, she no longer knew how she felt about Luke, either.

She tried aversion therapy. She answered some emails, took a nap and called her sister to catch up on Highway 65 business, neglecting to mention the thing she couldn't stop thinking about. Tandy, interestingly, did not mention the engagement. She wondered what her sister really thought of Luke, because she did trust her judgement after all these years and all she'd seen. But she didn't want to hear it today. She was very glad of the show she had to prepare for that night. Something to focus her mind, force her to turn off her phone, get out of her domestic head and into her music zone. She knew when she stepped out onto that stage in her heels holding that mic and hearing the first beats of the first song it would all just drop away. Music. Always her saviour.

Bucky knocked around four, and when she opened the door he was just hanging up the phone.

"That's the fifth media call this afternoon. People Magazine send their congratulations," he said. Rayna made a face.

"Oh, wonderful. Thank you."

"They also send a very lucrative offer for you and Luke to do a 'pre-nup special' a week before the wedding. Six pages, apparently." He used air quotes. Bucky reserved those for the truly ridiculous.

"Wow!" Her sarcasm was thinly veiled. "I can't think of anything I'd less like to do."

"The album is selling beautifully, but all anyone wants to talk about is your engagement." Bucky pulled out a chair at the table.

"Well that's what happens when you get proposed to in front of seventy thousand fans, I guess."

"No, that's what happens when you get proposed to _by Luke Wheeler_ in front of seventy thousand fans." Rayna hid her face in her hands. Seventy thousand people had been there celebrating that moment with them. And it had only taken one to bring it down. Damn him.

"Why do people do that, Buck? The big public proposal thing. What's the obsession with it?" He thought, shrugged his shoulders.

"The moment in the sun I guess. The scale of the gesture. It adds drama to put yourself out there in public. People love that."

"Yeah, I guess," she agreed, an air of resignation about it.

"Rayna," he laughed, "you're forgetting you're not _people_. Your life is played out in public every day."

So, she thought, by that reasoning, what Luke did wasn't such a grand gesture at all. In fact, it was directly in contradiction to how she wanted to live her life.

"Everything okay?" Bucky asked. She smiled.

"Everything's fine. Shall I get us some coffee?" She went towards the little kitchenette and the swanky little coffee machine sitting on the marble breakfast bar. Bucky watched her make it. He knew better than to try to do it for her. She was no common and garden superstar.

"So, uh, what do you want me to tell People magazine?" He asked instead.

"Tell them no." She put the cups down in their saucers defiantly.

"I'll tell them you'll think about it," he smiled. She rewarded him with a little head shake and a smile. She knew when she was being managed and she let him get away with it, he was very often right and she valued his opinion highly.

"I'm pleased about the sales and all, but I don't want Highway 65 to ride on Luke's coat tails. I don't need a man to sell my records for me."

"I know you don't. But it _was _timely." Bucky eased himself into a chair. "Whichever way you look at it, the album is at number one, the label is in the black and we can get on with finding some new artists. If the proposal helped secure that, well no harm, right?"

Rayna started to reply, but her phone interrupted them. Deacon's name appeared on the screen. Her stomach flipped.

"You need to get that?" She really didn't want to, but on the off chance that Maddie was with him or that this call otherwise pertained to her daughter, she knew she had to.

"Yeah," she answered, leaning back against the counter. Bucky moved away to give her some privacy, and as he reached the far windows Rayna heard his phone go off, too. Probably The National Enquirer, she thought, at this rate.

"Hey," she said into the phone, trying to sound neutral, her heart thudding.

"Hey. How's Chicago?"

"Cold." She sipped her coffee, unsure of how to play this. "How's Nashville?"

"Its...kinda lukewarm. Leafy. I don't know." She smiled at him trying to answer her pointless question. He took a breath, pleasantries over.

"So I just got a call from Jay at the Bluebird. I'm doing the Friday night show, and, uh, he asked about Maddie."

"What about Maddie?" Who now wanted a piece of her little girl?

"Well, apparently the Fort Campbell thing is on the internet or something. He wanted to offer her a guest spot. Just a couple of songs. I said I didn't think so but it's your call." Whatever Rayna had expected, that wasn't it.

"I...well... What do you think?" He searched for his words, obviously surprised that she had asked him that.

"Well...I mean it's the perfect place to start. Safe. Supportive. But I know how you feel about her performing at all so whatever you decide, I will toe the party line, no problem." Rayna thought about it. Sighed. It was the perfect place to start. She remembered.

"But If we don't tell her she's gonna have something to say about that when she finds out. "

"Yes. She will."

"I would."

"Yes. You would," he chuckled. There was a silence as she was transported back to her seventeenth year, when just like Maddie she had been given a similar opportunity at the same place and had grabbed it with both hands. And had got a whole lot more than she bargained for, too.

"She'll be up there with you?" Rayna asked.

"Yeah." She paused a long moment. Teddy would kill her but she knew what she had to do.

"Okay. Why not?"

"You sure?" Deacon sounded surprised.

"I trust you to look after her. "

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." There was a silence down the line as she found herself reluctant to hang up now the business of the call had been attended to. She always did love just talking to him. Just the sound of his voice. Eventually, perhaps sensing her inability to close this down, he did it for her.

"You think you'll get back for it?"

"Friday... I don't know. I'll try," she said, knowing that would be a total nightmare.

"Okay," he said. "Maybe I'll see you then."

"Maybe," she replied, softly. There was a lot more to say, she knew, but she just...had no words. It all existed in colours and shapes and sensations just short of her coherent faculties. She could feel something coming, like a storm brewing, but for now she was just too conflicted to reach it.

"Alright then." He hung up, and she felt cold. She pulled the cashmere closer around her.

In respect of some sort of normality, she sat down with Bucky, had the necessary conversation about the following day's itinerary and the gig she was playing that night. But she wasn't really in that room. She was picturing Maddie's face when Deacon told her about the Bluebird. She knew how much it would mean to her, and the thought of the two of them sharing that joy gave Rayna the first moment of calm she had felt in days.


	5. Chapter 5

******A/N: Thanks for all the lovely reviews, folks. Sorry this has taken a while. Lots more chapters to come very soon...**

**Chapter Five**

Of course, Rayna was back in town on Friday night. It took some doing, and she was booked on another flight out less than twenty four hours later, but she was there. She knew it meant the world to Maddie that she be there. She drove them through the cool, damp streets of Nashville, listening to the girls chattering excitedly (well, _over _excitedly) in the back seat. Watched the reflection of the gauzy neon and streetlight mix that bounced onto the steering wheel and the rock on her finger and told herself that was the only reason she'd broken her neck to be there. That it had nothing to do with how roundly curious she was about Maddie and Deacon's flourishing relationship. That it had nothing to do with Deacon full stop.

What got her was that they had just slipped right into it so _easily_. For a while Rayna watched like a hawk, arms outstretched to catch her daughter should things hit a bump in the road. But when the bumps came, it wasn't really Maddie or Deacon who were sent flying. It was everyone else. Maddie and Deacon seemed to come out of it all in just the same formation they went in - guitars on laps, smiles on faces.

Oh, Rayna knew Deacon had been through the emotional ringer- on live television no less - but he hadn't shown that side to their daughter. She was impressed that he had managed to crack the hardest nut of parenthood - resisting the urge to drag the children into the grown up turmoil, no matter how hard it was, how unjust it felt, or how wrong an impression it gave them of you in not doing. He'd cracked that right at the very start. He could have sold Rayna down the river in the first conversation he had with Maddie about her true paternity. But he still hadn't.

He was possessed with a kind of wonder around Maddie, a playfulness that belied his utter joy that he had her, that he had anything to do with her. The way he wore his heart on his sleeve for her reminded Rayna of the way he'd been when they met - a seriousness about him lightened by the goofy thrill of his adoration for her. That huge smile that could really let the light in whenever she walked in.

She had to admit she was impressed, too, with the way he had taken fatherhood on. He had just taken her into his life. There had never been a moment when he'd considered doing anything else. It did make her much less certain that she'd done the right thing keeping him in the dark all those years. The first few, she stood by. After that... she just wasn't sure of herself anymore. Seeing him like that, hearing him talk about how much it meant to him, made her wonder what else about him she'd underestimated.

Had he, all those years ago, wanted kids like _she'd_ wanted kids? She'd thought about it a lot, but mostly through the abstraction of the far flung future. They'd talked idly about it being part of the peaceful existence they were one day going to make together, the one beyond the music, but they were young then, unmarried, living a very fast and unforgiving life. Their only firm plan had been to be together. And then suddenly, too suddenly, her only firm plan had been keeping him alive. It had been too grim a veil through which to see much else, at the time.

She'd longed for him to get better, though, to come back to her and get on with living that blessed life they were supposed to have. She wondered if even now he knew how much she had prayed, hoped, cried. Pined for him well into her marriage to Teddy. She would have given all her money to make him better. She would've given everything. Music included.

She was miserable for a long time, and all she had to cling to were her beautiful baby and her ability to get out of her head on stage. It had been as dark a time as his, in some ways. The media would later paint her as the lucky one, the better one, the winner in that scenario. But In Rayna's heart there had only been losers there.

It was only later, as she tried to navigate the stark landscape of the real situation she was in, and how hard it was to paint on her smile every day to so many well wishing people that she grew so quickly tired of, that she realised she needed the music more than ever. It was the only thing that was going to get her through a life without him. It made her feel connected to him.

Deacon, to everyone's surprise and just nine months too late, got sober. He stayed sober. Maddie got bigger, and Rayna was able to work a bit more. She wanted to make an album, and she had never made one without him. And slowly they built a platform over the crashing waters they had been dragged from. From a place of temporary safety they operated in this new regime, very careful and proper around one another, not scratching the surface. Leaving all the unfinished business and the broken hearts and the unsaid words down in those stormy depths beneath their feet, every day they got up on their stage-raft and sang like survivors of a shipwreck.

It worked, for a while. It was just about feasible to Teddy that she should have Deacon in her band. She was breaking into the top ranks, selling out stadiums and was surrounded by people and press all the time. Deacon became, in the eyes of the world, and on paper, a band member, no more no less. But it never really was like that. She always did lean more towards him than other guitar players when it came to getting a tricky riff right or rehearsing a new number. She cared too much about his opinion of her music. He always could cut right to the centre of any bullshit, hers or anyone else's. He wrote her some killer songs and didn't suggest he became her lead guitarist, band leader, collaborator. He just was.

She never knew whether to include their most vaulted love songs or if they were more painful by their omission. They didn't talk about this, just tried it both ways and pretended it was fine when it wasn't but struck them from the set list and avoided each other's eyes for a while. They got over it.

She learned what recovery looked like, watching him grow more confident in his sobriety, begin to talk about it, religiously go to meetings. She was relieved every day that they went to work and he was there and he was sober and she grew accustomed to under-handing him a bottle of water each time she went to the fridge at the side of stage for anything. She worried about him going out on tour with her at the end of that year incase he was tempted. She asked Coleman for advice, and got a knowing nod from her old friend. He told her it wasn't up to her to protect Deacon from temptation. She had given a hollow laugh and nodded. No, it wasn't. But that hadn't stopped her trying before.

It turned out Deacon had worried about it as much as she had, and had taken all manner of precautions to stop him lapsing into old behaviours. He buddied up with an old roadie who was a long time out of the drinking game, spent evenings on hotel balconies playing cards with him, jammed on green room pianos with him. He called Coleman after every show. He hung around backstage at loading and unloading and helped with sound checks, instrument tuning, anything that occupied his extra minutes. He got by.

Two years later he was still sober, she had a four year old and two more albums under her belt, and her marriage to Teddy was rumbling along, contented enough. She began to relax a little. There was a calendar of sorts to her year now : make album, tour it, then take a few months off, watch the winter come in at home with Maddie. It worked. She still missed Deacon, some days more sharply than others, but she thanked God every day that they were all okay.

Then she discovered she was pregnant again. And looking back, she thought, that really was when it all started to unravel.

It threw her and it threw Deacon. He'd never seen her pregnant. The effect was instant. She couldn't face telling him one to one; that seeming too intimate and too much a shadow of a moment they should once have shared. She told the band - him included - as they set up for a rehearsal. She caught him looking at her as she sang that afternoon. More than usual.

Subsequently he was never far away, although careful not to impose. His care-taking was conducted in their language; taking the form of questioning looks thrown across stages and rehearsal rooms, silent enquiries she answered with thankful smiles. Swallowing the rising nausea that might not have been just morning sickness.

She'd thought endlessly about how he might've been through her first pregnancy, if things had been different, although he didn't know that. He regarded her now with deep calm eyes, his breaking heart almost audible. If she was trying to suppress the emotional significance of this, he wasn't going to. She knew what he was thinking. That she had chosen against him again. Finally, it seemed. No longer could he live in hope that her marriage to Teddy was a knee jerk reaction to his being in rehab and not a lifetime's love.

She wanted so badly to explain that it _was _just that and that this baby was still sort of a surprise, albeit a happy one. But she couldn't. They were tender around one another. He was in pain - in awe at the way she was creating a tiny human and how she was changing, but reminded every day of the fact that she'd done this twice now but not once with him. She was excited, but worried too. About Maddie's reaction, about another career break. Teddy, strutting around with his chest puffed out, made it all worse.

Eventually, there was nothing for it but to talk, and they had allowed themselves to face it at last. They didn't dig to the bottom and they didn't forget the delicate condition she was in, but they had it out. What he didn't say rang a lot louder in her ears than what he did say. She knew in her heart that he was so affected by her pregnancy because he thought it symbolised a break in the chain, a point of no return for them in his mind. She could read him like a book. Still. She wouldn't say it out loud either but she understood it. Once his sobriety became a thing to be relied upon she too had wondered if she would eventually leave Teddy to be with him. She'd kept that ring in the silent acknowledgement of that possibility, though she hardly dared articulate it even to herself.

This, though, had seemed to be the nail in the coffin. She could see him thinking that she was very unlikely to leave Teddy now and have more children with him. So this was it for their dreams of having a family. Probably it for his dreams of having her. He didn't put this into so many words, but she knew.

That was the day when she realised he still loved her, and when she realised she had to bury her love for him. After they'd talked she hugged him for a long time, the first real contact they'd had in years. They forced themselves to make light of it, and agreed that they could do this, be friends, colleagues.

They almost managed it, too. When Daphne was born Rayna was happily ensconced in her busy family life for a while, and she thought she could do it. She thought her little family was rock solid. She relaxed. He became Uncle Deacon. She started letting her guard down. Started relying on him. Letting him be her go-to guy. Joking around backstage with him. Pulling him into her personal space on stage, teasing him, challenging him professionally. Putting him on the spot to play a song they hadn't rehearsed at all in front of fourteen thousand people in Indiana. Riling the crowd right up so that they went crazy when he pulled it out of the bag. Downright flirting with him, really.

All the while her home life was so peachy she figured she was just about safe. Going home to a hardworking husband and her gorgeous girls filled her right up, emotionally, exhausted her pleasantly. Until the year Teddy's business deal went south, and doubt started to creep around the edges of her certainty about who he was. She couldn't put her finger on it but she had a nagging feeling, like she was driving on a tyre that was deflating through a puncture she couldn't locate. She knew he was keeping things from her. She didn't suspect him of anything awful, that wasn't his style, but the trust that had carried them this far was definitely dented.

And it had slowly come apart from there. Because Deacon had an eye for the chinks in her armour. It had taken a couple of years, but slowly she had begun connecting herself to him again emotionally, allowing herself to really look at him, really listen to him, start humming those songs again. To remember all the things she loved about him. His cheekbones, and the tilt of his jaw. The way he bit his lip when he had something really important to say. The way he looked down rather than look at her when it got too much. His mind, so brim full of the whole damn cruel world, of the wrong and the right, of memories and lyrics and music he knew by heart. It had all come flooding back, burning brighter than ever.

Until one night she was sitting on that stage at the Bluebird holding his hand, her heart somewhere up near the ceiling. Yes, he was a patient man. Content to play the long game, it seemed. Until now.

She sighed. The Bluebird. Where she was headed now. Excellent.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Rayna carried Maddie's guitar in for her, and Deacon met them at the door, quickly rescuing the instrument from her inexpert hands. His fingers brushed hers, of course, because when had the universe ever let her off lightly? They exchanged a look, something close to sorrow in her eyes and something close to pity in his. Uncomfortable with the way that was going, Rayna turned on her easy charm offensive, the one he knew so well he could unpin it in a second. But he let her make small talk about what they were going to play and how excited she was to hear it. When she thought she'd stumbled around clumsily for long enough, she took Daphne to the far side of the room, picking out good seats in front of the bar where they could see the stage over the seated crowd. Maddie and Deacon went to set up, and Rayna watched, keeping half an ear on something Daphne was saying about her school science fair the following week.

"Mom, is Luke coming?" Daphne asked. Rayna peeled her eyes away from the stage to look at her.

"Yes, he is. Later."

"Oh."

"What do you mean, oh?" Daphne frowned.

"Will that be… weird?" Daphne looked awkward, like she didn't know how to say something but really needed to.

"No babe," she soothed. _No more than usual, anyway,_ she thought.

"Okay." Rayna watched her youngest turn away, studied the furrowing of her brow.

"Daphne.. what's up?"

"I'm worried about Maddie," she said, quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"She was crying when you went to Chicago. She doesn't want to live with Luke. She said she wishes she could live with Deacon half the time." Rayna took her hand.

"Listen babe, this is all going to be fine. Don't you worry. We've all had to adjust to a lot of changes the last year, but things are going to settle down now." Daphne looked at her mom like she wasn't born yesterday. She cocked her eyebrow.

"_Really?_" she asked, unconvinced. "Because it feels like they're just going to get worse." Rayna opened her mouth to say something, but Daphne went on. "Our family is in a mess, mom. You think marrying Luke is going to pull us together, but it's going to pull us apart."

Rayna stared at her, startled. Just how in heck did her sweet little baby of the family know to say a thing like that?

"Don't say that baby."

"How will it work, though? When it's Maddie's birthday and there's you and dad and her dad and Luke and then dad might get married again so there'll be his wife and then Deacon might get married too. That's so many parents and step-parents I can't even count."

Rayna swallowed and tried not to picture Daphne's vision of that soap-opera. She had to admit it gave her a headache just to think of having Luke, Deacon and Teddy all in the same room. And Deacon being _married_ wasn't something she cared to think about at all.

Rayna looked away, focused on the stage. Her confidence was rattled. Her earlier faith in the modern, blended iteration of this family was waning. She was asking a lot of her children to love another man, let another man into their lives. Not just another man, either. Another man plus two other children, their mother and extended congregation of relatives that would now by default become hers, theirs. It was a lot to take. When she was with Luke, she caught his optimism that this could really _work_. But without him… She forced herself to stop it. No good could come of walking down this street right now. Least of all sitting here staring at the man who'd pulled up next to her offering her a ride.

She looked over at Maddie, her face lit up as she and Deacon stood talking to the musicians who were crowded around the stage discussing the set. She was at ease, in her element, with him. He, too, looked at one with the world, guitar on one side, daughter on the other. For a man who so shunned the public eye he was very comfortable being seen in this new role. This father thing. And whatever Teddy or Luke or anyone else thought of that, she knew it wasn't an act. Deacon was many things, but an actor wasn't one of them. By gosh it suited him, too.

She wondered again if he had, over those lonely intervening years, lain awake wishing he was somebody's father. Had he dreamed of having a baby girl to rock and hush and lose sleep over? Someone to worry about and wish for the moon and stars for? Someone to write about and think about and _love_. Someone other than Rayna Jaymes. Did his inability to move on from his feelings for her stop him from ever having children with someone else? Was it selfish that she was kind of relieved about that? So many conflicting thoughts and questions that Rayna had to push away before she could sit on a stool at the bar, arms around Daphne's shoulders, and watch.

She watched her eldest daughter return to sit with them. She watched her as she watched Deacon. She watched him as he lifted his guitar strap over his shoulder and the crowd spontaneously quietened in anticipation. She tried not to notice the similarities between them. But she'd never been very good at blocking that out. She felt soft-centred. Tonight was either going to break her heart or save her.

He sang the first four songs alone. His voice like molasses, sweet and thick around her throat, taking her easily back to a thousand such nights since the one she always thought of when she came here - the one when they met. Over the decades since he had so often sat where she was now, propping up any given bar in any given venue (even in his sober years he preferred to sit there), watching her, staking her out, when she was on stage. That or he had been up there with her. So much of their history had been written in looks shot between stage and wings, stool and microphone. And this was ground zero. No wonder she didn't come here for ten years after the shit hit the fan first time around.

Rayna shook herself back into the present when Deacon paused, picking quietly as he talked to the audience. The bar was packed to the edges and he had them all in thrall. He might not like to admit it, but he was a star. In many senses of the word.

"Tonight is a great honour for me. I love being able to play here at The Bluebird any time but tonight is kinda special. Well, any day I get to share the stage with the lady I'm about to introduce is a very good day." Several pairs of eyes swivelled knowingly towards Rayna. Their whole lives had been played out here. Deacon looked up at her and the girls.

"For one night only, and I do mean _one night only_, please welcome my daughter, Maddie Conrad." Rayna was surprised to hear him call her that. Once Maddie had tested out "Claybourne" she thought Deacon might've latched onto it, but he seemed to know that this was the best way to avoid more tension. Since when did Deacon take the path of least resistance? Hearing Deacon introduce Maddie as his daughter was a sweet blow to Rayna's already aching heart. She sipped her drink and hugged Daphne closer as Maddie carefully made her way up to the stage and took the stool next to him. If she was nervous she didn't show it. Deacon started to strum something, before pausing again.

"Oh. And if there are any music execs in the audience tonight, please don't get any ideas. This young lady has several years of schooling left to complete." There was a ripple of laughter and Maddie rolled her eyes good naturedly.

Rayna watched her daughter come to life on the small stage, elbow to elbow with her father. The beauty of what came out of their mouths was almost too much for her. He had gifted Maddie most of her talent, she knew that. There was a certain sophistication and lightness she carried when she sang that was like her mother and grandmother, but her gift for music, that was all Deacon's. Like him she could just feel her way through a song. And never more so than when she did it with him. Rayna couldn't even find fault in this - she had always been the same. Deacon was an exceptionally talented man. Rayna still had to remind herself sometimes, because she got so used to him and how good he was. It was only when he wasn't next to her onstage that she felt the gulf between what a performance felt like and what she wanted it to feel like.

They sang two songs, the first, which Maddie took and Deacon backed up, was _We Are Water_, a Patty Griffin song Rayna had heard Juliette sing. She wondered if Juliette had been involved in Maddie's preparations for tonight. She knew they were close. She was there now, sitting in the front row, beaming at this sublime performance as much as anyone. Whoever or whatever had gone into it, Maddie was definitely ready to be up there at that moment. They were a great unit. Deacon didn't take his eyes off her, encouraging her, leading her through the more difficult parts in a way so entirely invisible to the naked eye Rayna was sure only she could see it. He was taking care of her.

The second song was the duet, _Believing,_ that Rayna had heard her daughters sing at Deacon's. Like the first song it was beautiful, but this in particular struck Rayna right in the chest. Looking around the room she realised the wasn't the only one. This music was seeping into people's souls alright. _I start letting go of everything I love... _Deacon's deep drawl anchored the song to the ground while Maddie's sweeter, higher tone lifted the lid right off it. _My fears are safe here, held in your hands. _

_All that I once was, all I could be, when I've forgotten, baby you remind me. _That line got her just the way it had the first time she heard it. It was impossibly moving. As it ended, Rayna realised she had been holding her breath, and she let go. Then, instead of leaving the stage, Maddie spoke into the mic.

"We were only going to do two songs, but I don't often get to play in public and my Dad and I love this song so much at the moment so we're going to play it for you. We want to dedicate it to my Mom." She smiled up at Rayna. "I think some of you know her." More laughter. Oh God, Rayna thought, she had Deacon's ability to get an audience in the palm of her hand. They really were in trouble here. She didn't think she could take much more.

Naturally, it was _A Life That's Good._ Rayna was transported back to Fort Campbell for a second, the moment when Maddie had asked her to get Deacon up on stage with them and she had felt utterly exposed. Until he was next to her, playing the chords that made the whole song come together, and making it all feel complete somehow. This was the song that started it all, of course. The goddamn back of a napkin song that had been written in as long as it had taken her to fall irretrievably in love with him. It was now beginning to gnaw at her that she had let the girls talk her into doing that at Fort Campbell. What was she thinking? She had basically written him a love letter. Live. And got her kids to post it.

The father and daughter version went down a storm, to no-one's surprise. Juliette twisted in her seat and arched an eyebrow at Rayna, a small smile playing on her lips. Rayna knew she'd be in for it later.

She leaned down to put her arm around Daphne while the audience applauded, mindful that her youngest had shown impeccable manners in not saying how left out she felt. She didn't fully understand the Maddie/Deacon bond yet, nor what was so special to all these people about being the daughter of Deacon Claybourne, but she was excited for her sister and she tried to show it even if she wanted to be up there herself. Rayna wondered how they would negotiate the matter of the girls' talent when Maddie became old enough to pursue it and Daphne still had school to concentrate on. She pushed that away, too.

As their set drew to a close, the atmosphere was rich and warm around the small stage. Deacon moved towards the mic as though to say something but then withdrew, shaking his head with a smile as though there were no words. When Maddie got up, she hugged him, to more applause.

"Maddie Conrad, everybody," he said, watching her walk back to her seat. They were still clapping when Maddie sat down, squeezing Daphne's arm excitedly. Deacon leaned back into the mic.

"Seriously, Bud, I can see you down there making notes. The answer's no," he said with faux-severity to a guy in a stetson Rayna vaguely recognised in the third row. The guy put up his hands in surrender and there was a stirring of good humour from the surrounding seats.

As the applause gathered pace again, Deacon looked up, caught Rayna's eye. He gave her a downright tender look. Fleeting, but unmistakable._That's our girl._ It split her heart in two like the gentle pitting of a peach.

As he played the opening chords to the next song, she leaned over and took Maddie's hand, held it like a precious stone against her lap. Maddie looked across, beaming, cheeks flushed.

"Mom, that was amazing. Now I know why you love it so much." Rayna's heart nearly stopped. Then she forced herself to breathe, relief spreading as she realised she'd misheard. _It_. She had said _it_.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

By eleven the bar was pretty empty. The girls sat at a table with Juliette, who had been enjoying giving Rayna the _look what we have here_ eyes all night. Rayna stood at the bar, taking out her phone to see a message from Luke saying rehearsal was running late. She started to type a response but was interrupted by Deacon approaching. They watched as the crew stepped up on stage to de-rig.

"So, should we talk about how insanely talented she is, or just pretend we haven't noticed?" He asked.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she replied, blithe. "I haven't noticed. She's only eight years old." He smiled.

"Glad you made it."

"Me too," she said.

"Maddie says you're off again tomorrow?"

"Yes. New York."

"I'm guessing your 'screw Jeff Fordham' plan worked out."

"Oh, yeah. That worked out very well." They shared a smile for a moment. They had both enjoyed the kick-ass in Rayna Jaymes over the years.

"Seriously. Thank you for this," she said, gesturing towards the stage. "You made a good call." He shook his head.

"You know I should be thanking you. You put your trust in me and I appreciate that."

"You're welcome. It was amazing, by the way. It's wonderful to watch you play together." Deacon gave her those eyes again. Tension, tenderness, gratitude. He hung on a moment too long, and she realised she had to say something.

"Look, we probably need to talk, but, uh, this isn't really..." He shook his head slowly, saving her from finishing that sentence. It was a relief. She didn't know what to say. She couldn't say nothing, she didn't have anything definitive, so neither of those approaches was really fair. He surprised her by changing tack entirely.

"Daphne okay?" He asked. Rayna's skin flushed, as though he might have heard their earlier conversation. She relaxed when she realised he was referring to the fact that the girls usually performed together.

"I think so. It's hard for her to watch Maddie perform without her. They're such a little double act, but she's definitely proud. " He nodded.

"She'll be okay," Rayna concluded. Deacon looked over at the girls, then back at Rayna.

"Can you hang on ten minutes?"

"Uh..Sure. Actually I thought Luke was meeting us here but I haven't seen him," she replied, looking around as if he might appear on cue.

"Well, I'll be over here, on the edge of my seat about that," Deacon said, a definite glint in his eye, and got up. He went over to the crew taking down his kit and said something. One or two of them nodded, stopped what they were doing. Deacon took up the mic.

"Daphne, Maddie, get over here." The crew members he'd spoken to took up position at the drums and piano respectively and Deacon picked up his guitar. The girls looked up as the first notes of _Ho Hey_ rang out.

There was nobody really there to see it, but the band jammed with the girls for a half an hour more and they made every second count. Deacon paid every bit as much attention to Daphne as he did Maddie, letting her choose songs and pretending not to know them so he could then thrill her when he launched into them after a few bars of her singing acapella. They should've been in bed but Rayna couldn't care about that. It was awesome to watch.

Juliette joined her after a while.

"Don't say it," Rayna warned.

"Don't say what? I was just going to ask if you'd made a decision."

"I..." She looked away, unable to complete that sentence.

"Gotcha," Juliette nodded. "Thought I could sense some palpable tension."

"I just want my girls to be happy."

"They look pretty happy to me," Juliette said, looking pointedly towards the stage.

"If I put a drink in your hand will you stop talking?" Rayna asked, turning towards the bar. Juliette gave her her sweetest friends-or-whatever-the-hell-it-is-we-are smile .

"No, but I'll say thank you."

Eventually, Deacon called time, glancing up at Rayna to check he hadn't overstepped the mark already. The band applauded the girls, but Maddie protested.

"One more?"

"You better ask your momma."

"Mom, please?" Rayna started to say no but of course eventually let herself be persuaded.

"Well alright, but if y'all are tired tomorrow I don't wanna hear about it."

"We're at dad's tomorrow, so you won't hear about it," Daphne piped up helpfully. Deacon looked up at Rayna again, eyes laughing even though he was trying to be serious.

"Good enough," Rayna said, picking up her drink. "What are y'all singing?"

Maddie whispered something to Deacon, and he paused for a second before responding.

"Alright, I guess we can do that one if you want."

"Not us. You two. It's _your _song, my favourite of yours." She looked over at her mom. "You hardly ever play together anymore. I miss hearing you guys."

Rayna's throat closed up slightly as she looked at Deacon and then at the girls.

"Which song?" She asked. Deacon looked down, tuning his guitar.

"_No-one Will Ever Love You_," Maddie said, looking expectantly and sweetly at Rayna. Rayna couldn't remember ever turning down the opportunity to sing with Deacon. That thought had never occurred to her before. But she was going to have to do it now. She swallowed, deeply uncomfortable. She felt Juliette's eyes on her.

Of course, of all the moments there had been that night, that was the one that Luke chose to walk through the door. Two hours late and with nothing left to see but this awkward exchange, Rayna could think of no good reason for him to be there except to make her nervous.

He surveyed the scene in front of him as he approached, making slightly more than necessary of kissing Rayna, taking his hat off for the job.

"I thought I'd missed it," he said when he let her go, tucking his arm around her waist.

"You have," Rayna said pointedly. "The girls were just having some fun."

"We're trying to get mom to sing," Maddie said, with the tiniest edge to her voice. Rayna felt things gently beginning to spiral out of her grasp.

"You're saying no to these faces? What are y'all singing?" Luke asked. Maddie, resolute like the Sphinx next to her dad, did not think twice about saying it, and, Rayna realised, too late, she must've known it would go off like a bomb.

Maddie named the song. Rayna felt Luke stiffen next to her. He knew, he'd been there since the beginning.

"Tonight is not about me, Maddie. This is your show. You sing." Rayna prayed that her daughter would sense the _drop it_ vibes rolling off of her.

"_Please_ mom?" Or not. Rayna floundered, looking for help from Deacon, who had still not looked at her. Whatever happened, she could _not_ sing that song with him, not now, not here, not while she wore this ring. She mentally slapped herself. Unless she was about to end this engagement, that meant _ever. _That stung.

Luke turned to her, tightening his grip on her waist.

"Go ahead. Make the young lady happy." His tone was so forced it made Rayna wince. She shook her head.

"I..."

Then, like an angel sent from Heaven, Juliette saved her ass.

"Hey Maddie, would you mind if I sang that one? It's one of my favourites too and I've always wanted to give it a go. If your momma doesn't mind." Rayna breathed out, hoping Luke couldn't feel the tension ebb out of her too dramatically.

Maddie was, thank The Lord, taken with the idea. And Juliette took the seat next to Deacon, who finally risked a look up, but nowhere near Rayna. Juliette did, though, and as she sang the first line, the _Don't you try to tell me_ was aimed right at her. She may as well have pointed her finger.

The song was over quickly, and the girls seemed satisfied. They weren't stupid - a musical lock-in with Juliette Barnes was high on their bucket lists. Ten minutes later Rayna gratefully left her and Deacon talking and shepherded the girls out to the parking lot. Luke started his engine a few cars away, waiting to follow them home.

"Hey," Rayna turned to see Deacon in the doorway. She opened the car door for the girls, shooing them in, before going towards him.

"Hey, that was really nice, what you did for Daphne. Thank you."

"My pleasure. Listen, I'm sorry I gave you a hard time the other day," he said. "I'm out of line. You've obviously made your choice."

"I.." She began, and then stopped. Had she? They stood in the glow from her headlights. She was aware of Luke just metres away.

"It's okay. I'm not going to make this difficult for you. You deserve to be happy. If that's him, well that's that." He looked at her.

"As long as you can promise me it won't come between us." Rayna felt tears coming and she wanted to stop this particular moment, go back, have him unsay it all.

"I would never let anything come between us, Deacon, I..." She tried to say, tearfully, but he interrupted her.

"I meant me and Maddie. Because honestly Rayna I don't see how this can't come between _us_. We have to learn how to just be her parents and not be... Well you know what I'm saying. You've said it before." Like sharp individual blows, tiny arrows, she absorbed every part of that.

"Oh," she said, so softly she wondered if he would hear it. It didn't matter anyway, because he had gone a moment later, leaving her there in front of the Bluebird like a rabbit in her own headlights, frozen.

Luke was waiting for her in the kitchen when she came down from seeing the girls into bed. He handed her a glass of wine. She thanked him but she really just wanted to sleep. Alone, preferably. Her head pounded. Her heart ached.

"Seems like the girls had a great time tonight."

"Yeah. They love being up there." She fell into the deep couch while he remained tall and still over by the island.

"Interesting that you're usually so adamantly against them performing in public or being in the public eye, but Deacon putting Maddie out there seems to be okay." Rayna could not have had less enthusiasm for this particular conversation. This guy really knew how to pick his moment. She sighed. She'd known it was coming.

"She sang three songs, at a bar, in front of maybe fifty people." More like eighty, but she didn't need to remind him of how popular Deacon was.

"A gig at a well known scouting venue is okay, but a video on YouTube is not."

Rayna sighed.

"No it is not. Those things are completely different."

"Seems to me like the difference is one was Deacon's idea and the other wasn't."

"Okay, stop." Rayna's patience evaporated. "It wasn't his idea, actually, but that's beside the point. Millions of people saw that thing your son posted. Millions, Luke. Tonight was just about a girl who likes performing sharing the stage with her dad at his gig. Nobody was taping that, nobody will be talking about it tomorrow except Maddie. That's completely different." She felt her chest tighten and her patience wane. He was in the same business she was. How was it he didn't get this?

"You really didn't want to sing with him, huh? You usually jump at the chance." She stood. Clearly he was keen on escalating rather than defusing things. She was ready for that move, though. She'd had enough, now.

"It didn't feel like the right moment," she said, her voice calm. "Out of respect for _you_, actually, although right now I'm wondering why I bothered." She raised it a notch."Where do you get off? This isn't about me or you. This is about Maddie. _Her _life. _Her _music. _Her _relationship with her father. And yes it's still kind of weird at times. We're all still getting used to it. But I'm her mom, Luke, so I have to support her in building a relationship with Deacon. And you can't keep appropriating that and making it about you."

"How will this work when we're married, Rayna?" She folded her arms across her chest.

"Actually that's a really good question. How _will_ this work when we're married?" He blew right past her sarcastic response and continued.

"Us trying to build a life together and him in the background feeding her sweet little stories about how you two fell in love a hundred years ago, retracing your steps through your entire back catalogue?" Rayna stalked towards him. She was so tired of this conversation. It felt like her first marriage.

"If Teddy was a musician, would you have so much of a problem with this?" She lowered her voice but she was angry, alright. She didn't wait for him to answer.

"I thought not. You need to get off that Ferris wheel babe, because this is not 1992 and the only way this is going to work is if you trust me." He slammed his fist lightly into the counter. She stared.

"And you need to calm down."

They both took a moment then, and eventually his shoulders sagged and he shook his head. Slowly the tension of the past few hours started to wither away. He came to her, taking her face in his hands.

"I'm sorry." He kissed her, so gently she could barely feel it, although she did not miss the sweetness of it.

"You know I had this conversation with Teddy for fifteen years. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life saying the same damn thing to you. You've gotta be able to be around Deacon ." She put her hands on her hips

"I know. You're right. You're right. I'm sorry."

She laid her hands on his shoulders, smoothing his shirt, for want of anything better to do. She felt at sea. Sick.

"I guess I'm just beat, I'm not in the right frame of mind for any serious conversation," he said, his arms slipping down around her waist.

"Me too," she said, pulling away. "So why don't you go home, get a good night's sleep and I'll talk to you tomorrow." He stiffened slightly. She was suddenly desperate to be alone.

"You want me to go?" He was astonished. "I just got here."

"I want you to get some rest. But I'm leaving again at lunchtime tomorrow and I have a lot to do before I can get to bed. So you should go on home and sleep." She waited for him to move, standing her ground. There might be women who could be mollified in a heartbeat, but she was not one of them.

"Alright, if that's what you want." His tone was careful, wounded.

It was exactly what she wanted, because she was mad as hell. Mad, and desperately sad. And that wasn't the right frame of mind for serious conversation, either. She was pushing away nagging feelings about what Deacon had said to her earlier. It hurt. If she didn't know better she would have sworn that her heart was breaking.

She pushed it back, forced it down. She let him kiss her goodbye and after he left she went to bed. The packing could wait. She just wanted to close her eyes against this whole day. Against Deacon's face in those headlights. She couldn't wait to get on that plane.

The next day, Luke was conciliatory on the phone, until she said she wouldn't have time to see him before she left. He went cold on the end of the line, and even though he said the right words he didn't sound like he was convincing anyone. She could tell from his tone that their fight had been pointless. They would probably have it again sooner rather than later. They left things awkwardly unsaid, lacking the time to get into it, and agreed to talk again when she returned.

She packed, and had breakfast with the girls, who were full of the night before. Their happiness got her through the morning and reminded her that when she returned from this trip their faces would be there to greet her, and how good that felt. How simple _that_ love was.

Grateful, she left town, breathing a long breath out as the wheels went up.


End file.
